e-mo

Saturday, SEPT 18, 2010

I worked out in the gym for 4 hours. Like serious work out. Need to be in shape coz I'm getting chubbier again.

5pm - My teammate (SANDY) and I met at greenhills coz I was planning to buy a new beanie. It has been a long time now since my last trip at greenhills. I had fun eating CALIFORNIA MAKI at teriyaki boy with her. Window shopping was tiring and although I wasn't able to buy what I was there for, I still managed to buy a cool shirt, not to mention cheap (P350). Haggling is so much fun. haha


Later that night, I went to BACARDI's geb... STARGAZING @ PARLIAMENT BAR. It was cool, but I didn't really want to come. Was tired already and I was frustrated to see h** again.. Yes you heard me, 'FIRST' again. Of course, I was still aloof after every things that's happened to us. Some members were teasing me to approach h**. I didn't have the courage at that time to speak with h**.. But then deep in my mind, I wanted to. I don't know what for. I did ask a friend for help. My friend pulled h** out of the bar and we spoke outside while smoking. I said sorry, I asked if everything's OK. I didn't really expect him to speak with me. He must be angry with me after what I sent via sms. That's ok. Part of the 'moving on' process I guess.

I wanted to hug h**, but I can't.. Too bad for me.

But looking back on what happened, I just realized... I'm now proud to say.. I LOVED H**! The care is still there but love has drifted away..



I'm back to myself again. BORING. SNOB. ALOOF... LONELY BOY is at it again..
I'm no longer excited reading sms, browsing fb..

Now i'm focusing my attention to myself. Going to the gym, preparing for medicine (fingers crossed) etc.





**BTW, I just noticed that this blogsite is starting to become my diary.. haha. UMAY? then fuck off! ahaha. I'll update my site soon. hehe.

come on and party!

vaffanculo!

Woooo. My bday is finally over. I can't describe the emotions right now. Happy that I survived my bday. Sad because the bitter truth is I wasn't happy at all with my bday. Although yes, I've mentioned before that this was probably the highlight of my life, because this was the time I had my ups and lows.


Happy because I was able to spend time for myself, spend it with my family and spend it with some of my closest friends.

But I can't fight it anymore. I want to burst in tears, throw and break things. I'm a pretender.
I'm really not ok deep inside. I'm ANGRY. And yes your correct, this is the 2nd phase of 'THE 5 stages of grief'


I'd like to say sorry, I know I've been talking about 'FIRST' lately but plase understand, this is where I can really express what I'm feeling.



I'm mad because I fell into a trap.
Mad that I gave everything but he did nothing.
Mad that I've fallen for the wrong person.
Angry that I begged for love which I should have not done.
Upset that he didn't even care to listen.
Swallowed my pride just for 'FIRST' to love me back.

I HATE U! All those love, now has turned to hatred!

I don't care if you read this, we're already gone. You have made my life so miserable.
Because of you, I've now changed my perspective on some things


NOT ALL PEOPLE can be trusted!
Some will just take advantage of people
LIARS!

I have every right to say this. Be mad to me as well, hell I care.
At least I know that, everything I've said wasn't a lie.


I take it back...
I don't love u anymore! Let me reitirate that.


I HATE U!

Don't expect us to be friends anymore! I don't want to..

I may be drunk right now, but I'm still on the right state of mind.


I AM F***ING angry right now! Grrrr....


Let this be heard! I pity you. KARMA will eventually strike back!


On the other hand, thanks for those who remain loyal. Those who understand the pain I'm suffering now.
Thank you.


I'm seriously thinking of leaving bacardi because of what happened. Or changing my number. What the heck?

Bonne fête to me!

Lonely boy here...

ITS MY BIRTHDAY TODAY! woot woot...


another year has passed. and I'm 22 now (not on the teenage range anymore :(). by the far, this year has been the highlight of my life. and you probably know why that is.


I just want to share this day with my family and i just want to show my appreciation to those who remembered my bday today.


Of course, a lot had sent their greetings (and more to come before this day ends) but so far, I was touched (and cried a bit) with some of my dear friends.

My advisor CHERRY, sent me this sms a few hours before the clock stroked midnight.
" It'll be your bday in a few hours. U have 2 choices. Remain in the wallowing in ur pain or MOVE ON towards you're future while enjoying ur present. May u consciously drop the pain by 11:59pm> U will still feel it but hopefully it will no longer have the power over u by 12mn. Cinderella lang :P"







My friend SZAATCHI from BACARDI had sent me this sms.

"I would like to take this opportunity to say happy bday to u.I wish you all the best in your life. I hope HE gives you the correct match. You've inspired and have given JOY and LAUGHTER to other people. You've inspired the next person one way or another. Hugs! Your friend loves you unconditionally"


What more can you ask for diba? thank you szaatch..



And another inspiring friend of mine... had featured me on her blog... MEMOTSUKI!
with all my pics and all. They both made me cry.. awww.

It made me realize that despite of all the people I've met or will still meet..., there are still those that are loyal and true. And for that, I'll treasure y'all.

Nothing much to do for my bday. But I'll make sure that after my bday, it will be the start of a new chapter for me. Leave the past behind and move on with the present. That's my goal


No more crying. No more of the shit.

For now, let's parteeeee!


Go Go Go Go Go Go
Go shawty
It's my birthday
We're gonna party like it's my BIRTHDAY
We're gonna sip BACARDI like
It's my birthday
And you know i don't give a FUCK!
coz it's my birthday!

S.A.T.U.R.D.A.Y.

Katy Perry - Teenage Dream